she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
