If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
