I puked a lego.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
