if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
