i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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