Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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