It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
