He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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