Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
