It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That accounts for only three of the penises
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
