do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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