At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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