My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
