he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize