I think i peed on brittanys purse
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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