Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
