Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
