Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
