You're so nebulous sometimes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
