I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
