I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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