Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
