Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
