32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
