I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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