He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
