I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
