We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
