So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
