That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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