Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
