Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
