that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
