exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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