i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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