Moan for me like Helen Keller
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
