We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
