It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
