'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
