Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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