there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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