Your dad touched me again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
