He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
