Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
