It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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