there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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