someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
