My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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