id be glad to
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
