Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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