Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
