So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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