you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
