proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
