what day is it and did you see me today?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
