next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
