God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
