Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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