Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
