A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
