Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
