uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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