Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
