no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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