I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
