How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
