if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
