actually, I'm a sock model
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
