if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize