It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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