1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
