So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Swine flu. Run for my life!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
