so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
