so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
