My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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