I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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