I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
