i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Pooping to opera.
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